The Best Story Ever Written by Me, Jocelyn Crawley
by TheRhombusFellowship
Summary: Epic romance, wonderful plots, witty humor, and beautiful heroines! You'll adore this!
1. The Convenient Kitty Kat Mistress

Since I'm friggin awesome I decided to make another story using my talents. What would happen if me and my friends fell into Middle Earth? Pretty awesome concept, huh? Of course it is! Now, on with the story!

"Caitlin, I have no idea why we have to be here." "Because." Caitlin rolled her eyes at Kalyn the Fair, who was possibly the prettiest woman to ever exist.

"Moonlight Antiques is the best store ever." Caitlin explained. "Yeah, okay. Ooooh, look! Jewelry!" Kalyn the Fair ran over to the jewelry case, stunning the clerk with her dazzling raiment of light that always followed her around like an angelic halo.

Jocelyn and Kearra and Caitlin and Kalyn the Fair browsed the shop, when Kearra stopped in front of a really cool looking wardrobe.

"Over here, guys. Come look at this. It's really cool." The three came over, then Kalyn and Jocelyn decided to play Narnia and step through the wardrobe.

When they did, they were in Middle Earth.

They reached through and pulled Caitlin and Kearra through too.

"WTF?" Kearra asked.

"Where are we?" Caitlin asked.

"Anybody with a brain could figure that out." Kalyn said.

"This is so friggin cool!" Jocelyn exclaimed.

"Where are we?" Caitlin asked again.

"Bet you wish you'd watched those movies now, huh, Caitlin?" Kearra asked her.

"Nope. I'd rather have played with my dog Lily." she said, crossing her arms.

Suddenly, they were surrounded by a bunch of elves with bows and swords and stuff.

"What business does three human maidens and a hobbit have in Rivendell?" "I'm not a hobbit!" Caitlin exclaimed. "How rude." The elves rolled their eyes, knowing that the hobbit was clearly in denial.

"We'd better take you to Elrond." They shrugged, and led them into the city.

"Hey, Super Nerd, you might wanna take off your Evenstar necklace and hide it in your pocket or something. I doubt the elves would like to know that one of their cherished heirlooms has been mass produced in China." Kearra said.

Jocelyn cried, but did as she was told.

Soon they were friends with everyone because of Kalyn's unimpeded charm and unrivaled beauty.

All her friends were grateful to Kalyn because she helped them fit in in Middle Earth because any friend of Kalyn officially passed as cool.

"I'm so glad you're awesome." Jocelyn told her over breakfast.

"You're very welcome." Kalyn said modestly.

"No, you don't give yourself enough credit." Kearra argued.

"I love you more than Dr. Pepper and Shelties combined!" Caitlin exclaimed, overcome by her sisterly devotion to what was, let's face it, a perfect being.

"I know, right? I've gotten like, 50 proposals today. And lots of them were elves. I suppose one lifetime with me is much better than living forever." "We agree." her friends said in unison.

"Check out this cool ring Frodo gave me." Kalyn pulled out the necklace chain and showed them.

"He said I could have it if I gave him a hug. Pretty good trade, huh?" "Kalyn, you friggin idiot, that's the One Ring!" Jocelyn exclaimed.

Kalyn gasped.

"Ohhh, that's right." "Weren't you paying attention to the movies?" "Well, no. When do I ever pay attention? I do recall something about a ring, though. Isn't like some significant plot driver something-or-other?" "Even Caitlin knows that!" Kearra almost yelled.

"Yeah, Kalyn, even I know---wait, was that a compliment?" Caitlin looked perplexed.

They stopped talking when Gandalf came over and sat down at their table.

"Hey, G-Man. What's crackalakin?" Jocelyn asked, and everyone groaned at her nerdiness.

Gandalf decided to turn her into a hedgehog for a few minutes to teach her a lesson.

Meanwhile, a hobbit named Pippin casually strode over to Caitlin.

"You know, I've lived in the Shire all my life and I've never seen you." "I'm not a hobbit!" Caitlin yelled.

"You're quite a cute hobbit. You'd think I'd have remembered seeing you." "I'm NOT a hobbit! Tell him, Kearra!" "Yeah, she's totally a hobbit." Kearra said with a straight face.

"Don't you have someone else to harass?" Caitlin asked.

"I rather like the view from here." he said.

"Oh, brother." Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Leave before I feed you to my Sheltie." she said, and he left.

"Okay," Aragorn walked up, purpose in every step.

"Kalyn, you can come with the Fellowship since you're amazing lovely and have the best personality. And plus the ring, too. You are suddenly the most important character in this narrative. Congrats." He turned to Jocelyn.

"You can come because you play light sabers with Alex and would make a good addition to the team."

He looked at Kearra.

"You can go because Gimli thinks you're hot." With a shudder, Kearra glanced at the dwarf, who winked suggestively at her.

"And Caitlin, you can go because all the other hobbits are coming and we didn't want you to be left out." "So, are ya'll coming?" He asked.

They nodded. This was gonna be fun.

Proceed if you dare.


	2. Poorly Bedded, Richly Wedded

_Chapter Two of The Best Story Ever Written_

_Aragorn dumped Arwen and married Kalyn and she got to be queen. They didn't even have to go to Mordor because Kalyn is such a good person that she quelled all it's evil by giving it a gentle talking to. Sauron comes over for tea sometimes._

_Jocelyn married Legolas in the hopes that his straight hair would cancel out the curly gene in her kids. Alas, this was not the case. He divorced her for being curly headed. _

_Kearra married Sam and moved to the Shire. They now run a Bed and Breakfast._

_Caitlin married Gimli and now runs a Sheltie breeding ranch/Dr. Pepper factory. _

_The end. _

_Happy April Fool's guys. Sorry you had to read this dreadful monstrosity. Last one, I promise. Lol _


End file.
